Beautiful in White
Written last 2020.
“Gwen, I remember the time when I first met you, I hated the sight of you. You were the new student in our high school when we were in junior year. When you walk, people can sense your presence. I immediately thought you were the know it all student who wants to become a teacher’s pet. Your entire being shuns me. Everybody knew that we never got along. We were complete and total opposites. You were the straight-A student everyone was so sure of going to Harvard, while I was the football jock. I was the athlete everyone knew would simply get into a community college and also continue my career as an athlete there.”
“Gwen, I remember when we first talked to each other. I was wrong about you, but I still disliked you a lot. You challenged me to be more than just the regular stereotypical athlete. You questioned my thinking as to why I was happy being just me when you told me that I could be so much more. And for the first time, you gave me hope for what I could become. I never thought of the future I wanted to have. I only followed those of what was expected of me.
“Gwen, I remember when we first became friends. It was a month after we first talked. It was because of a school project. It’s funny, I can’t even recall what subject it was or what we did. But I remember that I demanded to make our project completely extravagant, wanting to prove you wrong. But you wanted to make it simple. You didn’t want to compromise the quality of the project by adding more unnecessary detail. After spending a whole day working on our project, we decided to eat dinner together. I saw you relax for the first time, not thinking about your studies, and your eyes sparkled a bit more when you laughed. I liked that.
“Gwen, do you remember the first time I started to actually like you? It wasn’t the time we did our school project. It was the time when you were wearing a white dress that drops to your knees. I was visiting your house for another school project and I saw you, laughing and chasing your brother outside. You still had that sparkle in your eye as you try to catch him. And when you did, you both fell down the ground. Your easy-going smile caught me off guard once again. And I remember thinking, o crap, I think I’m starting to like you.
“Gwen, do you remember the time I first said I love you? It was the time when we already graduated high school. We both followed our fates. You became the girl who decided to study at Harvard. And I became the boy who went to a community college. You were so unsure of us back then. You have heard of the challenges of a long-distance relationship, and you weren’t confident that we could handle them. That night, I told you that I was willing to try for us. I was willing to fight for us. But only if you were willing to do the same. You were so afraid. But you said you wanted us to happen. And so we did. And that very night, I told you those three words for the first time.
“Gwen, do you remember when I asked you to marry me? It was only a month after you graduated from college, medical school actually, when I popped the big question. We were at my house, and we were dancing slowly to the music together. We were dancing to our song, ‘Can’t Help Falling In Love.’ You were wearing my hoodie because you felt cold that night. I smiled because I told you that you were always cold when I touched you. But I liked that. I knew that when you were cold, my hands would warm yours.
“Gwen, do you remember the week before our wedding? You had to go to the hospital for a meeting, and just as you were crossing the street, a car came racing through and hit you. It was quick, one blink of an eye and you were sent flying across the pavement. It was bad, no, it was gut-wrenchingly terrifying. A call from my office sent me running straight to the hospital. Your skin was pale, they said you already lost a lot of blood. Several broken bones, internal bleeding, and a spine-chilling gash on your forehead. I leaned against the wall and slowly slid down. My eyes blurred. A silent prayer to a god. Any god. Please. Please save her.
“Gwen, a week has passed. And so much has happened between the two of us. I have told these people the significant events in our lives when we were still together, the memories that I will always cherish and remember. But the little things we did for us, I will always treasure. I will never take for granted how you have always challenged me just like the first time that we have met. I will always hold dear to the times when you held my hand, simply because you wanted to. I will never forget the times that you hugged me because I needed one. I will always love the way your eyes sparkled as your mouth moved up to make a smile. I promise to love you in times of happiness and sorrow. I promise to be a better person, for you and for me. I promise to continue to challenge myself as you would’ve wanted me to. And lastly, I promise to move on, and still enjoy life, even if it means living life without you.
I’m sorry you weren’t able to wear that white wedding dress. I know you look beautiful in white.