Death in our 20s
We were told, that our 20s were a time for exploration. These are the times when everyone is a little bit lost, but also somewhat finding themselves. It was a period of giving birth to new ideas, to bigger dreams, to self-realization and discovery. We’d hear news of a classmate going into med school. We’ll get invitations to our childhood friend getting married. We celebrate the promotions our colleagues get.
But no one told us the number of times we’d cry at the funerals we’d attend. As we grew and further explored our 20s, we learned to expect different kinds of deaths, in all circumstances, as well. We would raise a toast to the dreams we lost. We learned to grieve the versions of ourselves we never could become. We looked back with gratitude to the friendships that never pushed through. But we never expected death to come knocking at our parent’s door.
The realization hits. The all-so-cliche way of the saying, “We’re so busy growing up that we forgot that they are getting old” punches us in the gut, an unexpected blow knocking out our breaths. When we’re finally past our teenage years of cringing at how our parents behave and rebelling against every decision, we realize the truth: they’ve been where we are. And then, we appreciate every moment we spend with them. The quiet mornings drinking coffee with them. The game nights with a beer in our hand. Just when we’ve had enough metaphorical graves to bury, we always get caught in the unexpected reality and literalization — someone actually dies.
Life gets in the way. Dreams get in the way. We’re busy chasing dreams and attending meetings, visiting friends, and staying out with drinks. Cancer and sickness plague us back in. The solemn call of a family meeting, the denial and shock of everyone’s faces. We stand as if time froze, while everyone around moves in a panic. We realize why the famous sayings are famous in the first place — because it’s true. We never really knew what we had till its gone. And then, the grief, the crying, the silent screams echoing through the night with the monumental sadness towering over you. Or maybe, nothingness. An odd void on how the past events haven’t exactly sinked in. And there’s no surefire way of comfort. Will this hole disappear, or will it be too painful to block it off?
After all this, what now?
Because we’re in our 20s. We expected to experience a lot of things in this decade. We raise a toast to the dreams we’ve reached, and to the dreams we lost. We smile with gratitude for the versions we’ve become, and with a bittersweet thought at the versions we would never get to meet. We thank the friendships that stayed through the test of time, and we thank the ones that bid us goodbye. But in all these changes, when we were burying past dreams, versions, and bridges, we never expected the death of a parent to be one of them.
