When the Movies Failed
choice is an illusion for only those who have the luxury of time
What do you do when the waiting turns to vain? When you realize you lost. When the sinking feeling finally settles, and reality crashes down onto the pits of your soul? What do you do when you stare in horror at the results that took place — when you’ve been working hard and trying to make the most of your waiting time turns into wasteful and meaningless rubble?
And then there’s rock bottom, just when you thought you’ve reached it. You realize, stupidly, that just as in freediving, you can always plunge deeper than you intended to. And the terrifying realization is that there’s no one to save you. The emotions of anger, then sadness, and turning into pity — with the thought of you having no one to call to, no one to cry with, no one to shout about the injustices of the world with, that’s when you hear your heart truly break.
The shatter, you can hear it clearly. In the midst of the crowded room, you’ll realize you’re all alone. No one’s coming. There’s no home to run to. There’s no prince charming saving you with a shield and a sword. There’s no best friend knocking at your doorstep, with alcohol in one hand and ice cream in another. They all have lives and moments they’re living life with. No one’s going to be there to stop everything they’re doing to wipe off your tears.
So what do you do? What do the protagonists do when everything fell apart? How do the main characters react? Do they have their time of grief? Do they swallow their anger? Because I spent the night leaving a party with my atmosphere changing to a darker hue, and no one batted an eye. The cries I stifled in the dark hours of the night remain extinct, even with the puffy eyes that proved otherwise. When the plates felt heavy but the heartbreak was heavier, do you stop? Or do you push through because you realize choice is an illusion for only those who have the luxury of time?
Because here’s the thing. She thought it was going to be her year. She thought she was the one who was going to make it out. After a few months of rest and a couple more hustling, she thought she would make a break for it. She could almost reach it. The door was within her fingertips. But reality came crashing down. Reality locked the door, and widened the gap for her dreams. Because let’s be honest: in a make-believe world, the author and director made us believe in foolish happy endings where the small-town girl makes it in the big city. In real life, that rarely happens. The unjustifiable reality hits the main character — that being born in a middle-class family, located in a corrupt and regressing country, having a decent education, and working your ass off to try and make it in the big world is a lot harder than it seems.
And the succumbing reality breaks through, the unquestionable thought haunts her: what if she was meant to stay? Stay in a country where she couldn’t spread her wings? Settle for comfort but never grow? Build a future where she can’t see herself in? What happens then?
